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Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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| Time: | 12:51 pm. |
| Music: | yeaahhhh rham radio. |
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I dont care who you've been sleeping with these days
You're outta my hair
It's growing just above my smiling face that I wear
Every night I drink myself to sleep
Not thinking about you
Not thinking about anything at all
I don't care who you've been dining with these days
It's more than fair
Much rather be drinking anyways
With ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _myfriendpeter
Who lives so fucking far away
Yet not as far as you
Even though you live right down my fucking street
And I'm tired of sleeping with myself
I'm tired, all these drinks and drugs no longer help
I'm tired of lying about not thinking of you
Maybe my friend Peter can tell me what to do
I dont care who you've been kissing on these days
It's out of my hands
and in my mouth with such a pleasant taste
I need a beer to wash it all away without a trace
And then i'll drink 23 more
To wipe this stupid smile off my fucking face
I'm tired of sleeping with myself
I'm tired, all those drinks and drugs no longer help
I'm tired of lying about not thinking of you
Maybe _myfriendpeter can tell me what to do
Later dudes! Add me there... or be a lame-face.
-Sarah Emily
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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
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| Time: | 10:49 pm. |
| Music: | Johnny Cash. |
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You are the FULL heartagram, the ultimate of HIM
symbols. People worship you and all you stand
for.
Which HIM Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hot Shit. The egyptian one is boss hogg too.
So, I'm totally going to see HIM. With ASIA MINOR. We're going to have a freaking blast, I concurr. I'm really excited, and we're totally cooler than you.
-Sarah Emily
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Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
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| Time: | 3:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | Bang Bang. |
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Bang BANG.
I've got pimples, and they're really painful. My good skin was the only thing I had going for me, and now its gone!
Chem lab was boss'm today because I got to work with that awesome kid who makes me laugh my ass off like no other. Ah. And he's got a shoz. So hot.
Today I'm going driving. I really hope I don't hurt the Taurus again. That's the only free car I'll be getting in my life, unless someone decides to buy me one. You know it.
I really haven't got anything to say, I just felt like updating.
-Sarah Emily
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Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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I just deleted all my old entries. Like... pre-summer 2004. They were all from freshman year, and i don't really feel comfortable with that kind of stuff still up on the worldwideweberverse.
I'm also starting a journal for independent study... for RHAM radio. Ohhhh Ohhhhhh. yeah_rhamradio
I'm having fun doing that. I decided to actually go into the tech room and start learning shit from the kids who are doing it the same period as me, and i found out this kid Graham is doing it, who I know from Christine and the kids she hangs out with. So they were all like "Oh, well, what kind of music are you going to be playing?" and so I says: "Oh... well... like, emo, ska, indie... whatever i feel like, really." and they were like "WORD." and gave me high fives, and told me we could just share a show. I don't know what they're calling it. Serious Awesomeness, or something like that.
I saw Garden State again last night. I'm in lust with that film. Zach Braff is my god. My jewish, jewish, hot god. Boner-psyche! A kid in my chem class looks similar to him, except with darker skin. Guh. So adorable.
thats all!
-Sarah Emily
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Monday, September 6th, 2004
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When Love and Death Embrace ~ You're very mellow
and are a bit of a romantic. You live to be in
love and wish to die and be with the person you
love forever.
Which HIM video are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
mmm. The Valo.
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Saturday, September 4th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:14 am. |
| Mood: |  discontent. | | Music: | Blink 182. |
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Take the test, by Emily.
woo hoo. My favorite song by them.
Um.
So.
I didn't go to Florida, because of that beast of a hurricane. But you know who did? One of my best friends in the world, who decided to abandon everyone who loved him and move to Florida with his stupid girlfriend. Ughhhhhhh.
Bros before hoes much?
I got a job... at Hung Won. I don't know if i'm going to keep it though. It's kind of stupid.
I need sleep.
-Sarah Emily
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Saturday, August 28th, 2004
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--------------------------------------------
Volleyball will be the death of me, honestly. I don't know if I'll even make it. I'll get over it pretty damn quick if i don't though. This is my first time trying out, I don't know what the eff I'm doing.
We ran the mile yesterday-- and I had my worst time EVER. I'm kind of pissed, but It's my fault. I haven't been in good shape this last half of summer. Whatev.
Last night i went to Crowmell to see Tip The Van, Mu330, The Arrogant Sons of Bitches, and... the flaming tsunamis. They kind of suck. I won't lie. But the ASOBs tryed to straighten my hair, and it was funny as hell to me. A few of them signed my shirt, and it was cool. I had a lot of fun with Mary-Jo.
Yeah. So that's all i've got to say! I think I might go camp out at Stank's tonight. I'm not sure, though. I've got volleyball in the afternoon.
lates!
-Sarah Emily
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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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THIS IS AN INSANE ENTRY.
if you read it, and understand, i'll give you a cookie, or cracker. your choice.
I've had a wonderful few days.
Aside from one individual being a PENIS and thinking our FRIENDSHIP has changed because he pulled his head out of his ASS finally.
Dips, Amy, and I went to old Saybrook for a movie cast... call thing. The highlight of it all was the guy saying "saftey" after a night of it being called every two seconds by the two of them. Dips and I were DYING. We went back to Amy's house and hung out, went a'swimmin, and then watched super troopers. I feel bad, because i think i was the only one enjoying it.
Dave... dave needs to cut it out. Before i cut his throat.
I spent the night with Bolner, Stank, No Blood, and part of it with Dave K and his girlfriend. We went to the plum tomato. gotzz us two POPES. 36 inches of papal pleasure. It's like my waist size... but in pizza. We went to a random beach, minus Dave K and company, so it was the four of us- stank, bolner, noblood, and i- and we just hung out. We went to jump in a boat but it was all sandy and wet. No dice.
I love Bolner... oh so much. I'm going to miss him dearly when he ships off this weekend. To NYC. He's comming back for labor day, but i don't get to see him... because... i'm going to
DISNEY WORLD.
if you want me to write you a post card... email me your addy at BANExTastic@aol.com
yeaaahh.
I saw Garden State the other day, as well. Most incredible film i've ever seen in my life. Maybe it's because i'm severly depressed, and could relate aspects of it to myself, but i think it was just genuinely wonderful. So lifelike. So simple, in the fact that it didn't stress to be this script that no one would ever say. It was believable. I enjoyed every minute of it. I can't wait to see it again. I wish Emo was here with me though. He's the one who told me about it months ago.
(( What's up, nine month aniversary? If I were pregnant, we'd have a baby a'commin'. ))
I think I should start going to therapy. Honestly. I'm breaking down again. I don't know how i'll deal with a school year like this under the pressure that is my being FUCKED UP. My schedule honestly isn't that hard... I just don't know if i can deal with this again. Alone, anyway.
I would elaborate on this... but i need to get up... early. For volleyball. Just you wait until tomorrow. I'll vent for hours.
-Sarah Emily
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Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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me : just prepare yourself.
emo : i am
emo : right now
emo : kevlar vest on
me : haha
emo : bombproof knee pads
emo : fire retardent helmet
emo : i think im set
With every day that goes by, I love kevin a little bit more... because not only is my bi-emo, who i now refer to as 'emo', but he makes me laugh my fucking ass off with things like that. And also has good taste in movies. And crys like i do.
kthanksbye. <3
-Sarah Emily
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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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Note to self-
Call Mrs. Z- ask her about tag sale, and tell her about the car wash on the 29th at liberty
Call Abby- tell her about the car wash
Call Pats- ask about sitting outside and selling tickets... for the carwash
-----
Germany is going to be rediculous. I've got no money for it right now. We have all these fundraisers going on, and they're all pretty retarded. Yeah... the tag sale is going to be cooler than a ham sandwich though. that's all i know. i'm going to make at least five hundred $$$ at that.
So, yeah. Heart = broken. But what am i to do? I've got nothing to do about it, and it's not my fault. I realize that it would be a shit relationship anyway. He's oblivious. I'm just going to give up. Walk on. I'm fucking pissed, but come on now. It's not worth it.
My mom is threatening to take my permit away if i don't take AP US history... when i'm just being rational. I'm not going to do well in an AP course, if it's not Psych or Law. ESPECIALLY if the teacher is one like logan. and the students are that of the class fuckasses. I just want to coast. Is that a big deal? I want to breeze through High school, get into a UConn esque school, get my degree and be miserable. Forever.
A.S. is on in twenty. Later haters.
-Sarah Emily
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Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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Are you thinking of me when you're putting on your make-up darling'?
Dying your hair like you do?
Well, you’re wasting your time if you’re trying to impress me,
I waste all my time just thinking of you.
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Last night was Dave's show at the Underground....
There was a great emo band, and a really boss "post hardcore" band... ie... screamo. This kid Graham and I were the only ones that liked the screamo band though. haha. The entire night was full of conversations i resent, because they were all like "Emo kids suck!" and "Jesus Christ- there's a whole lot of emo in here!" but they were all good lookin' emo. except for the girls. -shakes head- I hate fake emo girls.
We went to Wendy's afterwards. I wanted fries, after everyone had already gone through the drive-thru. Dave and I were stomping on the sensor, trying to make it work, and it didn't, so we got ten people to jump on it with us- then we all scattered because a car was comming. It was pretty retarded. I ended up just going to the window with dave, and the guys were hitting on me in spanish, and i had no clue what was going on. Dave was standing there laughing at me the whole time.
I can't be mad at him. He's too ... doofy. I don't know what his problem was last night. He kept looking at me funny. and I wanted to makeout hXc with him. but you know. how we do. My lack of balls.
And then... there was Kevin. Kevin wasn't there, as he lives far far away, but i just can't help but feel guilty for still being so enthralled with Davey. It's something I can't change, it's the way it's been for four years. Kevin's only been around for eight months. That's the longest relationship I've ever had, but it's not really real. If you know what i mean.
I'm so fucking depressed. Not like.. "its good to know if i ever want attention all i have to do is die" depression. I'm upset with where i am. I've been sleepwalking for months now.
Kevin wants me to talk to Dave. He wants me to ask him what's going on, and he doesn't care if anything happens. He just wants to know. I do too. Hah. This is not going to end well. By that, I mean, Dave is going to crush my heart.
but i've got some WT meal calling to me.
-Sarah Emily
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Monday, August 16th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:17 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | Ima Robot. |
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"Stiny.... Come back here with my pants!"
Yesterday... was good. I didn't really have to wake up at 7:30, because of the hurricane. ;) Our game was postponed until about noon, and of course... the field was still trashed. We played on a ghetto ass baseball field that doubles as a softball field. Lame. We got our asses whooped, as usual, due to a lack of outfield, and i couldn't catch a ball that was too low when i was playing first. Yeah. It was a bunt that anna couldn't throw to me. I'm over it. It's not going to keep me awake tonight.
I got to see Dips though! I missed her so friggin much! <3 ... Too bad she didn't call me to ask if i wanted to go out and about with her... but anyway...
I went home, talked to my Slut for a bit, then Stiny called me up, and was like- "Hey. Want to go to Ben's?" and i was like "Hey, i haven't seen you in a month." So, Shonk picked me up, and i met Jess and Ben for the first time, and they were cool. And Shonk ambushed me with this hug that could kill. Ah.
Then we went to Ben's... and he has the best house ever. And he has the laziest room.... ever. I couldn't get up of my ass once i had laid down. We hung out there for a bit, and I talked to Kopchick for the first time in ... FOREVER. I missed him, i won't lie. They were all swimming, and Kopchick was in his girlfriends car, and I was just talking to him. It was cool. Then at about nine or ten, we decided to go to the playscape in marlborough. I haven't been there in about four years. It was nostalgia out the caboose. We played hide and go seek, and I hid in the army tank a few times, then i just hid in one of the little spaces. I got caught a few times, and i just laid down on the top of the monkeybars and just was in that place where you're not asleep or awake, but your eyes are closed and nothing else matters. It was wonderful... and it made me kind of depressed, as well. I miss being a kid. The tireswing. Mmm.
We quit playing after a while, and Shonk and Jess were nowhere to be found, but the four of us wanted to go to the lake. Dave and Christine were talking, so Ben and I played tetherball....... and i kicked his ass. We went over to the lake.. and Dave was like "I want to go swimming. " and we all were like..... yeah..... So, there was moderate skinny dipping. Stiny and I had our undapants on, but there was some mild nudity.
Later on... someone posed the question of what time it was. We realized it was probably super late... and Stink has to be home at 11:30... and I was sleeping over there. So, yeah. We got to the car after finally finding Shonk... and it was about midnight. We thought we were FUCKED but we snuck in through the back... and there was no problem. Yeehaw!
That was last night.
Today....
I have the moment of truth at the doctors, then i might be going to Hartford to see Depress't's band. I don't know how it's going to be. I might as well, i've got nothing better to do.
yeah.
later days.
-Sarah Emily
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Saturday, August 14th, 2004
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For Bawston (10:06:52 PM): there's this giant glass rooster at the barn. so i yelled out... "get your hands off that cock!" today
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| Time: | 9:29 pm. |
| Mood: | sore. | | Music: | Muse & Bloodbrothers. |
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Alright, so that whole melodrama with my Slutty McSlut is over. It's going to be alright. Well, it's going to be alright until I go to that damn show in a few days.......
....and die. Because i'll be seeing him. and because i'll have asphyxia.
So I'm sick. Yeah, it all started a few weeks ago when my leg started to hurt. I says to muh momma- "hey momma, whuz wrong wid mah leg?"
and she wuzzz likk
"geez, don't ax me questions like that. aye don't know"
not really. but it would've been funny if i held a conversation with my mother with a dilect like that? she really just said it was red, and it was probably just a sore, or something. so, this week whilst in maine, my leg starts to hurt again, and i was like "crimeny, crackers, what's wrong with my leg?"
my sister says: "JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH! THAT'S A BULLSEYE!"
my mom says: "JESUS CHRIST ON A CRACKER! THAT'S A HEAT RASH!"
and it's a bullseye. so i've got lyme like it was my job. and my mom's accusing me of being psychosomatic.
....and yeah, it's a heat rash....
from the heat of a tick eating away my flesh. mmm.
So, i missed day I of the softball tourney. i guess we ... did "well?" psh. I'll be there tomorrow, i don't know how useful i'll be, but i'll be sportin' the nasty orange and the shorts. yeehaw. and i'll have to get up at about quarter of eight. that's what i'm talkin' about.
so, i should go to bed. asap.
later haters.
-Sarah Emily
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| Time: | 7:34 pm. |
| Mood: |  melancholy. | | Music: | Lawrence Arms. |
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If he's fucking lying to me, i'm going to steal the fucking taurus and drive out there and kick his fucking ass.
What the fuck?
I thought he was fucking different. I guess they're all the goddamn same.
It's so juvenile to say, but I think we're through. I've lost all trust I had once with him. Next time I talk to him, there will be words. I can't deal with this shit anymore. I'm too angry, and he's such a pussy.
I said it to B Dips earlier that I was going to find someone that's not such a dick, but i was refering to someone else. Now I guess i'm just applying it generally to every guy I'm having a quasi-relationship with. Which I already feel guilty about. Trav is probably hittin' it with some tan skinned California bitch, and he's lying out the ass. I've never lied to him about anything. I told him when I cheated on him, even though it nearly killed me. I always spoke my mind about what I was feeling... with the whole girls thing.
This isn't even a big lie. It's just something small. I'm pretty sure it's just me looking for an excuse to get out of this, this relationship thing. I'm scared as shit, and I'll be the first to admit it.
I really wish B Dips would call me. I feel bad throwing baggage on people, but I think she would have something good to say.
so... B Dips. Give me a call.
-Sarah Emily
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| Time: | 2:08 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. | | Music: | The Killers/Anti-Flag. |
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Wahoo!
So, i found out a bunch of my friends sold out, and got livejournals, so i might as well update this mother and add them to my friends list.
ha HA. Sellouts. Greatestjournal is better.
Tonight is that show at the American Legion. I have no idea as to whether I'm going or not. I think i'm just going to eff that, and go up to Enfield... maybe to Manchester.
I need to get my bleedin' permit ASAP. I'm getting quite bored with not being able to drive around legally with an adult.
that's all.
-Sarah Emily
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| Time: | 6:49 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. | | Music: | "Clair de Lune" -aywkubttod. |
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What's up... livejournal? How've you been for the last eight months?
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nerdy.
grumpy.